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Upon watching its sequel, I suddenly remembered adoring the action film The Antique Guard. I was drawn to its worldbuilding, Gina Prince-Bythewood&#;s slick action filmmaking, the camaraderie of the immortalized characters, and how gay everyone was, especially Charlize Theron’s Andromache (nickname: Andy) who was in a century-long situationship with Veronica Ngô’s Quỳnh. My fond memories of these characters returned in spades, because they were sorely missed in The Aged Guard 2, a colossally dull follow-up that feels like it takes an eternity to watch in and of itself. Not even the additions of Henry Golding and *Fall Out Boy voice* Uma Thurman can save it.

A few months following the events of the first film, Andy (Theron) and her motley crew of immortal mercenaries — Joe (Marwan Kenzari), Nicky (Luca Marinelli), Nile (KiKi Layne) — along with their mortal pal, former CIA agent Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), continue to do their vigilante missions. One of these leads them to Tuah (Golding), a fellow immortal only Andy knew about for some reason. Andy learns through their banished ex-m

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